AKA more depression posting.

Last week was a week I'd been dreading for months – I had my gender affirming surgery consult, and my dad had his own medical stuff scheduled – and I'd been hoping that putting it behind me would put a bit more pep in my step. No such luck. I'm back in classes and feel like I'm half-heartedly dragging myself through the day. The homework strategy I mentioned in my last post has been working pretty well for me, but I can barely bring myself to do it. Chores feel like insurmountable tasks.

My dad is on the mend, but my family has to wait out the recovery period, which is never fun.

My surgery consult was what I've been calling a mixed success: it essentially came down to "I'll do this for you, and insurance will cover it, but I can't trust you to know you want this, so call me back in a year and then I'll schedule you". The big problem with that is next year might straight up not work for me, so I have to decide whether I wait one year, two years, or try to push my way into an earlier opening that might not even exist. Also, you know, the idea that my years-held thoughts and feelings don't count for anything in the face of inevitable biology or whatever the fuck is one of my big dysphoria triggers.

I've managed to get back into a rhythm of working on Inn Need once a week. I almost finished all the changes to make, and then I had another friend beta test it and found a bunch of new problems. Ooops. The flip side of this is that my website development has completely fallen apart for the last couple of weeks, but I'm not going to force it. I'll come back to regular updates when I have more time and energy between everything.

Positives: One of my best friends from out of town visited for half a week and we had a ball. My dad is, all things considered, doing quite well. I'm going to be in an Interstitial Campaign and I'm excited about the prospect of a TTRPG for the first time in years. I'm also getting into podcasts, sort of, which is to say I've listened to four different Moonshot Podcasts (We See Saw, ARGonauts, Riley Hopkins and Their Amazing Friends: Interstitial Infinity, and Champs in the Making) and I love all of them. I've picked up Pokemon Shield and am playing it consistently again for the first time in years. The end is in sight for Inn Need. That's all pretty good.